No Contact Rule

Learn why the no contact rule is your most important strategy for making a clean break after a breakup and getting on with your life as soon as possible.

No Contact Rule Works

If you’ve been following this series of articles, you’ve already learned how to decide if you should try to get your ex back, how to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back if you TRULY want to, and how to identify if your ex is trying to get back with you.

In this article we are going to talk about the No Contact Rule and how it works.

What Is The No Contact Rule?

The rule is, at its core, has a pretty simple guiding principle: Focus on yourself, and avoid your ex.

Rarely is a piece of advice as clear as this is. The No Contact Rule states simply that when a relationship is over, break off all contact.

That’s NO contact. Not the odd text message or phone call – NO contact.

There are some stipulations to this. Obviously if you are leasing an apartment together or have a joint bank account, some contact will be required to sort all that out. We’ll get to that later.

Why Is The No Contact Rule So Serious?

Breakups are hard, and as the person being broken up with, you’re probably going to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. The two of you had a history, and your lives were intertwined in a myriad of ways.

It’s natural to want to cling to some of that, either via casual conversations, the odd meet-up, or in more extreme cases, the occasional nostalgia-screw.

Every time you reignite this connection, you’re moving further away from reestablishing yourself as your own complete person.

The No Contact Rule is serious because the problem it’s solving is serious, and drastic action is required.

A Time To Work On Yourself

After a breakup, it’s normal to go through a mourning period. (We all do that)

That might mean lying on your bed buried in tissues, hitting the gym to regain that killer body and your self-esteem, or calling your friends over for those all-night bitch-fests about how all relationships are terrible.

After a while, though, you’ll get motivated to get on with life. The No Contact Rule will force you to focus on the positive and not dwell in the past.

This is a great time to:

  • Reconnect with friends
  • Hit the gym
  • Join a team
  • Start an activity you’ve been putting off
  • Get out and make new friends
  • Study something

The Goal Of The No Contact Rule

If you’ve decided that you need to get over your ex, then the no contact rule is your BEST friend.

Cut off all ties, do all the things listed above, and turn yourself into the happiest, most successful form of yourself that you can.

If, on the other hand, you really do still love your ex, the no contact rule can also help you.

We’ve already talked about what NOT to do to get an ex back, and now we’re going to add this to the list of strategies that CAN work.

By focusing on yourself and not dwelling on your ex, you’re really showing them how awesome you are.

They broke up with you for a reason, and by being your awesome self, you may convince them to re-assess their reasons for leaving.

The Power Of Decision

Etymology, the study of the origin of words, is a fascinating way to learn about our language. The word ‘decide’, for example, is usually used to mean ‘pick something’. But the origin of the word is much more permanent.

The original Latin word decisioliterally meant ‘a cutting off’. In other words, when you decide on A over B, you are cutting off the possibility of B completely. That’s the power of a decision. It’s not a 60/40 choice, it’s a 100/0 decision.

The No Contact Rule is THAT powerful a decision.

In a way, it makes things easier. Rather than accommodate the occasional contact and constantly judge whether or not the latest encounter was OK or not, you already have your answer. You’ve decided on NO contact, and have effectively cut off all possibility of ANY contact.

How To Follow The No Contact Rule

Lay it out there – Tell your ex that you don’t want to have any more contact. Make sure there are no outstanding reasons to legitimately talk to each other (like possessions at each other’s places, bills you’ve both signed, etc.), and simply tell them that you want to avoid any contact.

This is important because it frames the future of your relationship and you’ll be able to refer to it if something comes up.

If there ARE these kinds of connections, get them sorted out as soon as you can, and then implement the rule.

Delete from Facebook – You don’t want to be cyber-snooping, and you don’t want them to be either. It’s passive, sure, but it’s not adhering to the 100% cut-off that we’re looking for.

No phone calls, no matter how casual – No, don’t call them on their Birthday or any other time. If they call you, remind them this isn’t appropriate and end the call as soon as possible.

Don’t gossip with friends – If your mutual friends are likely to report back to your ex about what you’re up to, explain to them this should stop, and don’t mention anything about your ex in conversation.

With any other contact, do your best to nip it in the bud. Re-state that you want NO contact and remove yourself from a situation where contact is inevitable.

Have Faith In The No Contact Rule

You’ve made a DECISION – now stick to it.

Your whole life is waiting for you out there, so be proactive and positive about moving on. Don’t live with one foot facing backwards or you’ll never get anywhere.

Move forward, taking whatever lessons you can from this failed relationship, and smile at the endless possibilities that are out there.

Is The No Contact Rule Forever?

Depending on your relationship with your ex, it’s possible you’ll want to contact them eventually. Maybe you two really can be good friends, or maybe there’s a chance you’ll get back together.

So no, you don’t have to live your life constantly looking over your shoulder to see if you’re accidentally going to bump into your ex.

Indicator #1 – You no longer want your ex back. If you’ve made the break, got on with your life, and truly don’t have lingering feelings for your ex, you can back off the rule.

Think of it this way: If you bumped into them on the street, would it feel awkward because of your past relationship, or would it feel exciting, as if you were meeting someone new?

If the answer is the latter, then you’re good to go.

Indicator #2 – Your ex tells you they want you back. If they break the no contact rule and tell you they still have feelings for you, you have a real issue to deal with and all bets are off.

If you’ve decided that you never want to be with them again, then stick to your guns, tell them again that you don’t want to hear from them, and keep being awesome.

If, on the other hand, them coming back is your dream come true, then the rule no longer fits the situation and you’ve all but won your ex back.


11 Clear Signs that You Are Still Not Over Your Ex

1. Social media stalking

Signs You Love Your Ex

Are you constantly checking on your ex’s Facebook page for an update? Do you look through all his pictures to make sure he is not seeing another person?

Do you stalk every single one of his social media sites just waiting to see what he has to say? If this sounds like you, you are clearly not over your ex.

2. What do your friends say?

Your friends may know you better than you do. Your friends are the only ones who see who you truly are and they will know if you are over your ex or not. Are you constantly bringing up your ex in conversations that he does not belong in?

Are you constantly mentioning his name to see what your friends have to say? If your friends are telling you that you are not over your ex, they are most likely right.

3. Pictures

Most couples go through the phase of wanting to take pictures together constantly. I mean, obviously you want to show him off to your Facebook friends so you post pictures of you and your sexy man.

Once you break-up those pictures might need to be deleted. If you are keeping pictures of your ex on your Facebook page or any social media site, you might not be over him.

4. Are you sleeping with him?

Trust me, this happens more than you may think. When people break-up, someone will typically propose the idea of staying friends. In most cases, this is the worst proposal ever!

It is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for and if you do dare to walk this path, you will probably find yourself sleeping together. Obviously, if this is occurring in your life, you are not over your ex.

5. Presents

Ladies love to receive presents from a boyfriend. It is completely normal. If you are keeping the presents that your ex bought you when you were dating in plain sight at all times, you are not over him.

When you look at those presents you will automatically be reminded of him, which may not help you in your journey of moving on. Put the presents away if at all possible.

6. The dreaded relationship status

Changing your relationship status can be one of the hardest things for some ladies after a break-up.

Laura H shared her story with me and she said – “It took me 45 minutes of staring and plenty of tears to finally change my relationship status on Facebook back to single. Clearly, I was not over my ex and you are not either if you’re experiencing the same thing.”

7. You cry when something reminds you of him

Of course, it is normal for the coffee shop that you met in or the restaurant that you shared your first kiss in reminds you of your ex, but if every song you hear and every place you go reminds you of your ex, you are clearly not over him.

8. You play dress up

This is especially common for women. You may only be going to the grocery store to pick up some eggs and cheese but you wear your cutest outfit along with super high heels and bright red lip gloss in the hopes that you might see your ex. Obviously this will become humorous in the future when your ex is completely out of your mind.

9. You find out where he will be and when

If you have been stalking his social media sites and have come across a post saying “At the beach in the Holiday Inn…” and you feel the urge to go find him, you are not over him.

Theresa has done this as well. One day she saw a Facebook post stating that her ex was going shopping with his brother. She leaped out of her seat, put her cutest clothes on and went to the mall because that’s the only place she thought he would shop. She never found him so use that as a reminder that you will probably only be wasting gas and time.

10. You still text your ex regularly

If you and your ex are texting regularly, you’re probably not over each other.  Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone when you’re still in contact.

11. You watch all of your ex’s favorite shows

Did your ex love Wheel of Fortune and Grey’s Anatomy and now you have to watch every episode (even though before you rarely did)?  This is a clear sign you miss your ex and might not be over him or her.

Getting over your ex can be extremely hard. After a break-up, you need time to heal and move on. If you have participated in any of these actions, you will know that your ex is still a big part of your thought life and you are not allowing yourself to move on.


Top 10 Break-up Mistakes You Are Making

You’re distraught, upset and heart-broken, so it’s understandable you’ll find yourself willing to do pretty much anything to get your ex back”. The ten mistakes below are extremely common, and will almost completely kill your chances of getting your ex back. Undoubtedly you’ve either seen friends make these mistakes or maybe YOU made them in the past.

If you want to succeed in getting your ex back, avoid the following ten behaviors as if your life depends on it. Your life doesn’t depend on it, but your relationship does. If you manage to avoid the mistakes, you’re chances of mending your broken relationship are pretty damn good.


1. Panic Contact – This is what happens when you let your distress and shock get the best of you. You don’t know what to do. All you want is to change things back to how they were, rewind time, and fix the problem immediately. So you do the only thing you can think of and try to contact your ex hoping you can reason him or her back into dating you. And the more you panic, the more you end up instigating damaging contact. All your begging, crying, and screaming serves only to convince your ex that he or she made the right decision.

2. Laying on the Guilt – Once things start looking final and your begging doesn’t seem to be working, it’s natural to want to guilt your ex into staying with you – a bad idea.
Once you start saying things like, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this,” “I’ve given you so much and this is how you repay me,” and “I knew this would happen, you never were good at relationships,” you’re sending yourself down a dangerous path. This may seem like a valid tactic, but it’s really just a form of manipulation that will send your ex in the opposite direction you want them to go.

3. Settling for Friendship – You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Your ex most likely loves you as a person, so when you agree to be “just friends,” it’s an excellent resolution for him or her. He or she gets to keep you in his life without dating you. Unfortunately, by demoting yourself to the role of friend, you end up setting yourself up to get hurt. Instead, you need to set boundaries. Seek out the support of other friends.

Don’t trick yourself into believing that remaining friends is the only way you can keep your ex in your life. You have to let go completely, especially if you want the chance of getting back together in the future. Remember, if you stay friends, you’ll have to be a “good friend” and support your ex when he or she starts dating someone else. Sound painful?

4. Sleeping with Your Ex – So you shouldn’t revise your relationship to not include sex (being friends), but you also shouldn’t reduce your relationship to just sex. Sleeping with your ex is “fun” for you ex, and a big “I hope” for you. But that hope is unlikely to ever pan out.

5. Resorting to Drugs or Alcohol – It may seem like there’s no alternative, but drowning your sorrows in this manner makes you unappealing to your ex and is dangerous to yourself. And when you finally come out of it, you’ll feel bad.

6. Spiralling into Obsession – It’s understandable, you’re hurt. So giving voice to your woes and discussing your ex is okay… to a point. If you’re talking about your ex constantly to anyone who will listen, you’re apt to drive away friends and family members in addition to driving away your ex. It isn’t healthy to obsess. Give your mourning the time it deserves then think happier thoughts.

7. Harassing Your Ex’s Friends – You shouldn’t be in contact with your ex at all in the early stages of your break up. That INCLUDES being in contact with his or her friends. Sometimes this might suck, but for your sake, it’s the best thing to do.

8. Spying, Stalking, and Anything Creepy – Let the characters in movies do all the spying. You need to focus on yourself and not on what your ex is doing. There is nothing you can do about it. You’re only going to rile yourself up.

9. Gifting Your Ex – You can’t buy your ex back with cute, thoughtful, or expensive gifts. Even if you could, he or she wouldn’t be interested in you… just in what you could give.

10. Badmouthing Your Ex – No matter how much you want to drag your ex’s name through the mud for hurting you, 99% of the time it will come back to haunt you. Be adult about your break up, and save your angry comments for behind closed doors.

These are the things NOT to do. But then what are the things you should be doing?

I reveal dozens of surprisingly simple secrets in my courses ExBackIn30DaysBlueprint. By using just one tip, you’ll increase your chances at getting back together if your situation seems hopeless.

Get Back With Your Ex?

Have you decided to get back together with ex relationship? When the break up occurred, it was probably a bad time for you, so hopefully you have allowed some time to pass. Now that you are ready to get back on the horse again, deciding to get back with an ex is a normal feeling.

There are two considerations to make when it comes to choosing to get back together with ex: your feelings and their feelings.

How do you feel about the situation after the breakup? Have you managed to let the drama fade away, and are you feeling as if you can rekindle things without feeling stressed?bp3

How do you think your ex feels about the situation? Have you spoken to them or spent time with them recently? Before you can get back together with ex, you need to figure out what they think about the idea.

If you and your ex are on the same page about the situation, you can sit down and talk it through. Deciding to get back together with ex should be a mutual agreement, otherwise you are just stalking or bothering them.

If your ex does not agree with you on the situation, take some time away and let things cool down more. If he or she is not yet ready to rekindle things, that is not a definite no – Just let things calm down for a little longer.

Once it has been mutually decided that each wants to get back together with ex, you can begin the rekindling process. You should plan to do a lot of talking. Talking things through is the first step to preventing reoccurrence of the break up.

If the same conditions exist that caused the first break up, then your efforts to get back together with ex will be completely and fully futile. Why waste your time and effort trying to make things work if the same break up is going to occur in a day, week or month?

If you can eliminate the things that caused the stress, drama or break up the first time around, then it will be much safer for you to consider whether or not to get back together with ex.

If it is your ex that brought up the idea of getting back together, and you are not sure how you feel about the whole thing, be ready to do some thinking. There is nothing wrong with mulling over the idea for a few days before you take action.

Do not jump into anything you are not comfortable. If you do not feel like it is time to get back together with ex, then you need to take the time you need. Do not force yourself back into a harmful relationship. Not every relationship is meant to be.

Sometimes, deciding to get back together with ex can be a good thing, and sometimes it is better not to open closed doors. Ultimately, you and your ex need to come to the decision together through civil conversation.

Once you have decided and you wish to proceed to get back together with your ex then get the best resources that you can find whether it’s a counsellor, get ex back systems, etc. and then be prepared to take massive action to succeed with your decision!

Tell-tale Signs that Your Ex Wants You Back


A break-up is the hardest thing to face, especially when you are in love with your girlfriend and cannot accept the fact that she is now your ex girlfriend.   Most men foolishly dive headlong into depression, start drinking themselves to death and wallow in self pity.  They send out desperate feelers and threats in the hope that their ex will feel sorry and rush back into their arms.

If you are in this situation, do not wear your heart on your sleeve.  Instead start working towards getting your ex girlfriendback.  Once you realize that she is the one for you and you cannot live without her, do and say the right things so that she herself realizes her mistake and decides that she wants you back.

Sending her love letters, asking her forgiveness, using people to state your case are all insane things to do.  Keep your cool, look back at the last few months when you noticed her attention straying and check if the fault was yours.  Once you identify the problem, engage yourself in activity of some sort and try to move on with your life.

You will begin to recognize signs your ex wants you back when she wonders at your silence and tries to get information about your reactions.  If she calls you and asks you to continue being friends, politely decline and put the phone down.  Go out with friends, if you must, not to make her jealous but to be in company so that you do not end up alone at home, brooding. Your friends will tell you, without you trying to spy on her, certain things, which are clear signs your ex wants you back.

When she finally realizes that she was wrong, you will find she is sending out feelers, which are signs your ex wants you back.  This time around, you are the man in command of the situation and you will make the rules.  Your very approach to the whole situation has won you the round and you are now happy and relieved to have her back in your life.